Tax Day

I've taken a hiatus from the blog (obviously) for a variety of reasons.  The main one being that my dad's cancer started to get the best of him in December and I didn't have a lot of "happy" days where I felt like a blog post about my kid's weirdness was ever really appropriate.

January 1st he decided to go off the chemo since it was making life so difficult to really live.  Once he stopped getting the medicine into his body his downward progression was fast.  Faster than any of us had anticipated.  Had we known we would have fought harder for him to keep going.

By mid January he was pretty much confined to the house, he didn't have enough energy to do pretty much anything.  As a family we spent as much time with him as possible.  We enjoyed watching the Seahawks 1st superbowl win together, we brought the grandkids over so they could entertain him with their silliness as much as possible, and we shared many meals together always trying to talk about happy subjects while trying not to think about what was happening to Dad.

On February 15th we moved him to Hospice of Spokane's Hospice House because his care was getting to be too much for us to handle at home.  We wanted him to be comfortable and have actual trained nurses caring for him in his last days rather than his wife and kids who were learning as they went.

The 2nd night he was there I stayed overnight in the room with him.  I just couldn't imagine him passing without someone he loved holding his hand.  I spent most of the night talking to him even though his eyes were closed and he could no longer speak.  I lied in the recliner next to his bed with my hand on his arm most of the night.  I couldn't sleep, it was all too surreal what I was about to witness.  I finally fell asleep at about 4:30 and when I woke up around 6:00 he was gone.  I truly believe he waited for me to fall asleep so I wouldn't have to actually witness his last breath.  Even in his last moments on Earth he looked out for me.

I feel thankful that he got his diagnosis when he did so we could all cherish the time we had left together.  His friends and family made the most of the 18 months he lived, never taking a holiday/birthday/sunny day for granted.

I've found that I miss him at funny times, like today, Tax Day.  His birthday was April 9th and growing up we hardly ever celebrated it with him.  He worked ridiculously long hours up until April 15th and then we'd get him back for a while, so Tax Day was always a happier day than his birthday for our family.

I bought his car from him in January when it was clear he wouldn't be getting better.  He had taken the time to program some numbers into his bluetooth in the car.  So now everytime I'm driving and my mom or sister or brother calls I get to hear his voice say "Irene cell" or "Charlotte cell" or "Pete cell".  Matt pointed out that now we can never sell the car, and that's perfectly fine with me.

So there's no good way to end this post other than to say time is making it easier, but that doesn't mean I don't still miss him terribly.