Traveling with my children.

Last week I was fortunate enough to get to go to Las Vegas with 2 fun co-workers for a 2 day conference. We got to fly down on Wednesday afternoon so that we'd have plenty of time for zip lining over Freemont street and all the deep fried twinkies we could handle. It was a glorious flight down, I got to order beer on the plane, I got to read my book, I got to sit quietly with my thoughts. If you've ever traveled with kids you know that these are things you cherish only when they're taken away (which they always are when your kids are with you, except for the beer part, there are limits to how far I'll go for my kids).

After the conference was over on Friday I hopped on a plane and headed to Orange County where my family was arriving shortly. Matt flew down with the kids, alone, to meet me for our Disneyland vacation. Matt becomes a snake charmer with our kids when he's alone with them. They do what he says and they do it happily, so his flight down sounded like a breeze from what was described to me.

Then we had our vacation for 5 days and that will be a brand new post complete with darling pictures for you to enjoy.

Then, on Wednesday we headed home, together. We had McDonald's at the airport and let the kids split a 16 oz lemonade. That's 8 oz each in their child-sized bladders.

We got on the plane and I drew the long straw again because the 3 of them were together and I was across the isle. Watching Matt pick up dropped Legos and dropped Little Mermaid figurines every 2 seconds never got old.

Then the beverage cart came and the kids got to choose a kind of juice to order. A big deal in their lives, making your own decisions is really under-rated. Orange for Charlie, Cranberry for Annie. 6 more ounces each deposited into their tiny little bladders.

Now their thirst is quenched, they're tired of playing, and they're ready for a nap on Dad's thigh. They both pass out right away, then Matt follows their lead and falls asleep too. One of the stewardesses made me take their picture saying it would make a great ending for my Disneyland scrapbook. I tried not to look annoyed as I put my book down to dig around for my camera (I kid!).

Fast forward an hour and the captain comes over the PA and says we'll be making our decent in to Seattle in about a 1/2 hour. Matt wakes up, breathes in through his nose, and whispers loud enough for me to hear but hopefully no one else that he thinks they both peed their pants.

How I didn't see that coming I don't know. We filled them both with liquid and then put them to sleep. I should know my kids better than that by now. They're smart, they're cute, they're clever, but if there's one thing they're not it's being able to hold their pee while they sleep.

So I spend the next 30 minutes trying to think of ways to get off the plane without everyone holding their noses and looking around to see who peed their pants. Also trying to think of what I can do in our 60 minute layover in Seattle to get my hands on some dry pants for our flight over to Spokane.

Thankfully Grandma Cheryl packed Annie's carry on the previous Friday and with the knowledge of an experienced mother she remembered a spare pair of pants and undies for Annie. Also thankfully I didn't remove said pants from her carry on for the flight home. So when we got off the plane I just went to the restroom, removed Annie's shorts and dress, changed her in to her dry pants and coat with no shirt and she was back to her happy self.

Charlie proved to be the problem. Matt took him into the bathroom with the plan of finding a hand dryer to hold Charlie's crotch under. No such luck, every bathroom at SeaTac has paper towels.

Next plan was to hit every gift shop and look for kid's pants to buy. I was very close to buying women's Sleepless in Seattle boxer shorts in size extra-small for him. Yes they were pink and yes they were $16.95 and yes no one would ever wear them again, and yes Sleepless in Seattle was a great movie but I just couldn't do it.

Next we found a Life Is Good clothing store. I kid you not this store had 60 different t-shirts and 2 different pairs of pants. 1 pair was for toddlers, the biggest size they had was a 4T (Charlie's a 5 or 6). I was about to pay for them when Matt, the voice of reason, pointed out that they would be skin tight, they were pretty thin and see through, and Charlie wouldn't be wearing underwear. So I put them back. The other pants they had were little girl pajama bottoms for $25. They were pink, and they were expensive, and Charlie looked like such a sad little puppy when I asked him if he'd wear them home. So I put those back too.

Next plan was to find a little boy at the airport and offer his mom money for his pants. Matt spotted a little girl about Charlie's size and was like "what about her pants?" and I was like "sure, her mom looks kind of scrawny (probably an extra-small), I can take her, you hold the little girl down and take her pants off. Our flight boards in 5 minutes. We time it right we can steal her pants and run on to the plane and by the time they realize what happened we're long gone." Shockingly this scenario didn't play out either.

So what we did was make our sweet little boy with a tiny bladder ride home from Seattle to Spokane in pee soaked underwear and shorts.

Charlie - when you're older and you read this just know that I'm sorry for being so unprepared and so cheap.

Alaska Flight 507 - I know you're not reading this but I just need to say it: thank you for not embarrassing our little boy and whispering about his wet pants. We appreciate it.

Alaska passengers who rode in our plane and sat in isle 11 after us - sorry for not telling the stewardesses that the seats should probably be Lysol'd. We forgot.